I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
