come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
