The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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