What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
In America we eat man semen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
