I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
