meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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