Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He better not be in your backpack
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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