Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
