Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
