If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize