So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
