Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this hospital has no fireball
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
