There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
