Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
