What a fucking waste of an outfit
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
