Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
