Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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