OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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