We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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