Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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