Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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