New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
