I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
