She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
