Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I believe in your delicious
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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