This show inspires me to have sex in space
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
