don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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