I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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