Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
