I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
