She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
