I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize