Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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