I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
