oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
