We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
