He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
