You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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