Soap is not a condiment
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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