She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
