At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
