3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
