ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
