Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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