I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I deserve this hangover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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