And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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