I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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