Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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