whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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