Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
