is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
