At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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