if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
