Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
