sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
