I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
