Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
