Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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