Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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