so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
