why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
