TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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